The color bands in the graph represent emotional intensity, while the colored emotions, the words, indicate their relationship to time.

Emotions in green are future-oriented, filled with possibility, optimism, and forward movement. They pull us toward what could be, fueling motivation and creativity.
Emotions in red are tied to the past, often surfacing as regret, guilt, or worry. They can be useful signals, alerting us to something unresolved, but they also trigger stress and cortisol. Staying in them too long can leave us feeling stuck, replaying the past instead of moving forward.
Emotions in purple center around loss, a universal part of the human experience.

This distinction matters because time-oriented emotions shape how we process information and make decisions. Regret, rooted in the past, can lead to hesitation or second-guessing. Anxiety, focused on the future, can drive over-planning or avoidance. Understanding these patterns helps us make choices with greater awareness and intention.

Below the Line Impact on Relationships and Decision Making

When someone lives below the line, their relationships and decision making tend to be shaped by reactivity, control, and emotional distance rather than openness and clarity. Here are some common patterns that emerge:

Relationships Below the Line

Transactional – Relationships feel like exchanges rather than genuine connections.
Superficial – Conversations avoid depth, keeping emotions at arm’s length.
Defensive – Criticism or differing opinions feel like personal attacks.
Control-Seeking – A strong need to manage people, situations, or outcomes.
Low Trust – Constant doubt, second-guessing, and assuming bad intent.
Frequent Conflict – Arguments arise easily, often fueled by blame or frustration.
Avoidance of Vulnerability – Sharing emotions feels unsafe, leading to emotional walls.
Passive Aggression – Needs and frustrations are expressed indirectly.
Fear-Based Interactions – Decisions and conversations are driven by insecurity or scarcity.
Lack of Empathy – Little effort to understand or consider others’ perspectives.

Decision Making Below the Line

Reactive – Decisions are made quickly based on fear, stress, or immediate relief.
Short-Term Focused – Choices prioritize immediate survival over long-term growth.
Avoidance-Based – Hard decisions are put off due to fear of discomfort or failure.
Risk Averse – Overly cautious, preferring certainty even at the cost of opportunity.
Emotionally Charged – Choices are driven by anger, frustration, or anxiety rather than reason.
Rigid Thinking – Stuck in old patterns, resistant to new perspectives.
Approval Seeking – Decisions are shaped by the fear of judgment rather than what is best.
Blame-Oriented – Looks for external reasons for problems rather than solutions.
Control-Driven – A need to dictate outcomes rather than adapt to changing circumstances.
Low Self-Trust – Second-guessing leads to hesitation and indecision.

Above the Line Impact on Relationships and Decision Making

When someone lives above the line, their relationships and decision making are shaped by openness, trust, and intentionality rather than fear or control. Here are some common patterns that emerge:

Relationships Above the Line

Authentic – Connections are based on honesty and mutual respect.
Deep and Meaningful – Conversations go beyond the surface, allowing for real connection.
Open and Receptive – Feedback is welcomed as an opportunity to grow.
Trust-Based – Assumes good intent, fostering confidence and collaboration.
Constructive Conflict – Disagreements lead to learning and stronger relationships.
Emotionally Safe – Vulnerability is seen as a strength, not a risk.
Clear and Direct Communication – Needs and concerns are expressed openly.
Curiosity-Driven – Seeks to understand others rather than judge them.
Empathy-Rich – Considers multiple perspectives and emotions in decision making.
Mutually Supportive – Encourages and uplifts others without competition or control.

Decision Making Above the Line

Intentional – Decisions are made thoughtfully, considering long-term impact.
Big-Picture Focused – Balances immediate needs with long-term vision.
Courageous – Faces hard decisions directly, even in uncertainty.
Opportunity-Oriented – Looks for potential and possibility rather than just risk.
Emotionally Balanced – Recognizes emotions but does not let them dictate choices.
Adaptable – Open to new perspectives and flexible when circumstances change.
Values-Driven – Choices align with personal integrity and core beliefs.
Self-Assured – Trusts one’s own judgment while remaining open to feedback.
Empowered – Makes decisions from a place of confidence rather than fear.
Strategic – Thinks multiple steps ahead, considering both logic and human dynamics.

Empathy is Strategic Thinking

One of the most misunderstood abilities of the human mind is empathy. It is not a soft skill, nor is it a sentimental trait to be sidelined. Empathy is a higher order cognitive function, a product of the neocortex, and a fundamental part of strategic thinking. Senior leaders who dismiss it are operating at a disadvantage.

Why? Because when empathy is fully engaged, there is no conflict. Conflict exists in the absence of understanding. Empathy allows you to see not just the limitations, motivations, and constraints of an opponent, team, or constituency, but also their possibilities and opportunities. You may not agree with them, but you know them, and that is where real strategy begins.

Empathy sharpens thinking. It helps us anticipate, strategize, and move with clarity, shifting from reacting to leading with intention.

More on the Brain

The brain has evolved in three distinct layers, each serving a different role. The reptilian brain, emerging 500 million years ago, governs instincts and survival responses like fight, flight, freeze, and appease. It also regulates heart rate, breathing, territorial behavior, and habitual patterns that run automatically. The mammalian brain, developing 200 million years ago, introduced emotions, social bonding, and more complex decision-making. The neocortex arrived much later, about two to three million years ago, and has undergone significant changes, particularly in the last 100,000 years. During this period, it expanded rapidly, refining higher-order thinking, creativity, rationality, values, time awareness, and most importantly, empathy.

Even though awareness and rational thought are what we strive for in leadership, they are often at the mercy of brain chemistry and the way the brain prioritizes survival. The lower brain reacts first, shaping perception and response before the neocortex has a chance to engage. While logic and intention are powerful tools, they do not come easily, they must be nurtured and reinforced through deliberate practice to overcome the fast, automatic instincts of the lower brain.

The Intoxicating Emotion of Anger

Emotions are predispositions to act, each one pushing us in a specific direction. Because emotions vary, the actions they drive also differ.

Anger arises from a sense of injustice and drives us to seek justice. It can feel powerful, even intoxicating, especially when life seems unfair. Unlike fear or uncertainty, which can feel raw and uncontainable, anger provides a sense of decisiveness and control. This is why people hold onto it. It makes sense, and in many ways, it feels better than the discomfort of fear, ambiguity, or helplessness. But like alcohol, anger’s intoxicating pull comes at a cost. If we stay in it too long, it consumes us.

Intense emotions like anger and fear also significantly narrow perception. They create tunnel vision, stripping away creativity, innovation, and strategic thinking in favor of immediate action. They focus us, but in doing so, they shut out empathy completely, making it impossible to see beyond the immediate threat or injustice. This is why emotions are powerful, but also why learning to recognize and regulate them is essential for leadership, decision-making, and meaningful connection.

Anger and Leadership

Anger can feel like a strong leadership tool for some because it creates focus, urgency, and a sense of control. However, true leadership requires expansive thinking, problem-solving, and long-term strategy, which anger eventually blocks. While it may provide a strong initial response, staying in it limits a person’s ability to find solutions and cuts off empathy entirely. Without empathy, we lose the ability to understand different perspectives, build trust, and navigate complexity with care.

Sadness and Loss

Sadness signals the loss of what mattered. Unlike emotions that push toward action, sadness invites pause. It doesn’t demand fixing or solving. It asks for presence.

Many resist sadness because it feels heavy and uncomfortable. But because loss is inevitable, sadness is necessary. It creates space to process grief, honor what was, and, over time, move toward greater depth and meaning.

Sadness and Leadership

Workplaces weren’t designed to hold space for grief. Emotions were treated as distractions rather than part of being human. But grief doesn’t disappear when ignored.
Acknowledging loss, whether personal or professional, creates trust and psychological safety. It makes space for real resilience. Leaders who can be present with sadness, in themselves and others, create conditions where people can show up fully without pretending everything is fine.